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Lao Du Says
Ping Pong Axiom: Given two intermediate or beginning level players of relatively equal skill, the least impulsive player will be the victor most of the time.
Corollary to the above axiom: The oblivious lamebrain who doesn’t do what Lao Du says, will end up crawling back under his rock with his tail between his legs.
I have lived among table tennis players for some time now. I have seen them up close and have learned of their quirks and idiosyncrasies. And all this has not improved my considered opinion that they are mostly techno freaks interested in only speed and spin. They rush to go for the kill shot and are unappreciative – even disdainful – of executing an ordinary conventional shot which simply keeps the ball in play and is usually the prudent choice. Almost all of these foolish people tend to be impulsive and impetuous and, frankly, it resounds with madness. This is especially breathtaking and dumbfounding considering that the players subscribing to this folly are actually intelligent people …when they are not next to a ping pong table, that is.
Editor: What about you Lao Du? You’re not impulsive? Didn’t you once marry a woman who would have ordered her lawyers to perform a sex change operation on you if you hadn’t forked over that house in Scarsdale to her? Huh?
Lao Du: Okay, okay, but let’s try not to get this personal, alright? So I admit my brain wasn’t engaged that time, but it’s different with ping pong now. I learned my lesson. I’m not taking out any new loans for any more diamond rings just because some broad whispers sweet things into my ears these days.
Editor: Really? Why is that?
Lao Du: Because my hearing stinks.
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