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I’m fadin’ fast. Real fast. Warp speed. Sure, I still play well against the moribund, the sclerotic and a few cachexic gomers, plus, if ya wanna know, I do extremely well against prepubertal girls who weigh less than 60 pounds. But … I’m losin’ to some bums these days, chumps that I used to beat with my eyes closed. In fact, I don’t call them “bums” and “chumps” anymore. I call them gifted and accomplished players. Hey, if they beat me, why not, because these bedwetters are killing me now. (Ed. Now you duh bum! Your arrogance merits this rightful comeuppance. Yep, you’re the bum now, the chump … the bedwetter!)
Yeah, so okay, I’m not sittin’ on a high horse these days. It’s more like a miniature horse. No more gloating with a photograph of me with my foot perched on a carcass after a kill. Now I’m the vulnerable prey, and now I know what they mean by oh how the mighty have fallen. I never really knew how inglorious and miserable it was to lose. I do now: it hurts. So I want to apologize for all those years of of being what I suppose you’d call a bad winner. To all those losers I taunted and made fun of as stupid or inept, I’m sorry. Listen, now I have deep, heartfelt regrets about that. I’m sorry to all of you out there that I killed, and for rubbing in the salt to the wounds afterward by saying that you were stupid or inept – or both - even if you were. My humble apologies. Lao Du Editor: That doesn’t sound like a sincere apology, and it doesn’t sound like our wonder boy has serious remorse. There’s certainly no humility wound up in this so-called apologetica. It so happens that I played with Lao Du the other day, and this reinforced my feeling that Lao Du has not yet joined the righteous and virtuous despite this phony contrition of his. Yes, he may no longer be a bad winner, as he put it but, unfortunately, he’s converted to being a sore loser. I want you all to know that I beat the yutz three games to none, and then he threw a tantrum … AND his racket. Oh, and he cried! I’m also pretty sure he lied to his diary.
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Someone asked me recently if she could come and join us at PPP in Pleasantville. Of course, I said, we welcome just about anyone – PwP and volunteers – all welcome to come to our sessions. There are only a few requirements for admission. Naturally, we require vaccinations for safety. We had also mandated mask-wearing for awhile, too, but relaxed that as pandemic conditions improved in our area. We were always consistent with another rule, however, the one that said that no one was allowed to bring any AR 15’s to PPP. Otherwise, it was just bring yourself and a list of active checking and savings accounts that you have at banks and brokerages, as well as notarized info indicating your cash on hand. You have to provide these documents, along with your credit card and social security numbers to Lao Du upon entering the door. (We don’t know exactly what he does with all this collected personal data, but we have all observed an updated wardrobe and a new Corvette with which he’s been tooling around town. It’s the Torch Red one in the parking lot at WTTC, in case you were wondering.) Conspiracy Theory Goin’ Around The Ping Pong Club: George Soros is negotiating to buy the WTTC in order to convert it into a Yeshiva, and will begin busing students in from Munsey after the deal is consummated. When asked if the students will be required to wear masks, Sorros replied: “No, only yarmulkes”. |
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November 2024
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