Should you shake hands with your opponent after he makes mincemeat of you? Or, the other side of this, should you shake hands with a guy that you’ve just annihilated three games to zero? The answer (albeit, from a suspected recluse): Don’t shake hands with anybody. Ever! Why? you may ask. It’s not that I’m encouraging people to shun others and to live the ascetic lifestyle of hermits. You shouldn’t shake hands because these guys will make you sick, that’s why. The guy who beat you mercilessly and the guy you coldly wiped out can present you with gifts that have absolutely no sentimental value whatsoever, believe me. I’m talking Salmonella, E. coli, norovirus and adenovirus, to name a few of these freebies. And do ya know why these germy things are on their hands? Probably (let’s not give them the benefit of the doubt) because they didn’t wash their hands in the bathroom ( most men and women don’t, you can look it up).
It’s not just the turkeys who don’t wash their hands in the bathroom, either. It’s the guys who have runny noses that can also make you sick. Let’s not leave them out of the equation. Ever notice how often they go to the hanky in-between points. Well let me tell you something about that. After they spit or blow their noses, they stick those disgusting rags (they should use tissues) into their pockets, and then they serve the whole hazardous cocktail to you via your beloved Xushaofa 3 star 40 mm sphere. And, voila, after you’ve inadvertently touched your eyes, your nose or your mouth, you’ve got exactly what that shnook across the table has (except you have to wait for the incubation period).
So? Can we do anything. Yes. Use a fistbump (knuckles to knuckles). Use those sanitizers, PLEEZ!. Wash your hands with soap in the bathroom, PLEEZ! And do yourself a favor, too – get a flu shot. Tell ‘em Groucho sent ya. Lao Du
(Please note: Full disclosure – I am no longer a practicing hermit.)